Beauty Queens

Beauty Queens Page 129

“Eight fifty-one. Eight fifty …”

“Crap!” Adina said. “What’s the name of that thing that always stops the bomb in the movies?”

“Manual system override,” Agent Jones said dreamily.

The girls turned to him.

“Manual system override,” Nicole repeated.

“Mmm-hmm. Stops it.”

“Agent Jones,” Nicole asked carefully. “Do you know how to override the system manually?”

“Screw the system, man. You’re beautiful. I’m beautiful. This table is beautiful.”

“We are all beautiful. You know what would be most beautiful? Overriding the f**king system, asswipe!” Jennifer yelled.

Agent Jones frowned. “Men have feelings, too. You bruised the petals of my man flower.”

“Christ,” Jennifer hissed.

“Apologize,” he said.

“What? No way.”

“Apologize or no system override.”

“Jen …”

“This douche nozzle tried to kill us. A lot.”

“Apologize!” everyone screamed.

“Okay! I am sorry … Man Flower.”

The agent wrapped her in a big hug. “It’s PowerPoint.”

“I apologize, PowerPoint,” Jennifer said through lips crushed against Agent Jones’s chest.

“The system is PowerPoint only. Harris forgot to change it back. Let’s communicate with our fingers.”

“Agent Jones! So … we have to make a PowerPoint presentation to override the system?” Shanti slapped a hand to her forehead. “Are you kidding me?”

“Mmm-hmm. Pretty pictures and bullet points.” The agent sat, lotus-style, on the table.

“Oh, hey,” Nicole said, averting her eyes.

Shanti sat down at the computer. “We’re making a PowerPoint, Teen Dreams.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

“How’s it coming, Shanti?” a nervous Mary Lou asked six minutes later.

Shanti concentrated on the laptop. “Almost there.”

Tiara looked over her shoulder. “Ooh, put in the picture with the mountains. That one was so pretty.”

“Fifty-nine. Fifty-eight. Fifty-seven …”

“Less than a minute to go, Bollywood,” Nicole said.

“Hello! Well aware, thank you. ’Kay. Uploading now …”

Shanti pressed PLAY, and the PowerPoint presentation was in motion. It was an image of Ladybird Hope waving from a Corporation private plane.

Fun Facts About Ladybird Hope & The Corporation!

Tried to kill us

Kept rescuers from finding us

Made secret arms deal with Republic of ChaCha

Assassinated world leader

Her pageant-wear line poorly made

Again, tried to kill us

“Go to second screen!” Nicole said.

“Give it a second,” Shanti said. “I put it on slide show. That’s how we do it in IP.”

Two seconds later, an island scene came up.

“I picked that shot,” Tiara said, clapping. “Isn’t it pretty?”

There Is a Secret Corporation Compound!

Polluting environment

Harming animals

Making weapons

Avoiding taxes

Forming secret alliances

“Twenty-eight. Twenty-seven. Twenty-six …”

“Come on, come on,” Adina pleaded softly.

A shot of Ladybird Hope and MoMo B. ChaCha in the heart-shaped hot tub appeared onscreen. Ladybird Hope had been caught midspeech. Her mouth was twisted and her eyes were half closed.

“Not her best,” Sinjin said. “Still. Total MILF. Paranoid and very wrong, but MILF.”

Ladybird Hope and The Peacock!

Secret alliances = treason

Illegal weapons sales = also treason

Illegal campaign contributions = bad

Human rights violations = super bad

Killing defenseless Bambi = just plain mean

Totally having sex in that hot tub = conflict of interest, unethical, unsanitary

“Nineteen. Eighteen. Seventeen. Sixteen …”

“It’s a whole new world of pretty …” Agent Jones sang, rocking softly on the table.

Shanti glanced at him, then looked to the ceiling. “Please don’t let this be the way I die.”

The fourth and final panel was of Ladybird Hope smiling and waving between The Corporation’s logo and the White House.

America’s Presidency: Reality TV Show or Commodity?

The screen faded to black and the words The End.

“Did it work?” Adina asked.